


Into hell

by scarletchidori



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Revenge, i don't go too deep but i do mention it so be aware, mentions of Maes Hughes, there's a light suicide mentions made by riza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:21:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24592954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletchidori/pseuds/scarletchidori
Summary: She cannot see his face, but she can imagine it. Roy’s features ruined by the hatred in his heart, his usual kind eyes full of venom.
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Into hell

**Author's Note:**

> After almost a year here I am with a new Royai one shot. I found this in my drafts on google docs, and I tried to finish it, and here I am. I don't love this but I don't hate it either so I guess it's okay. I really missed writing about my number one otp. I am a little worried, because I feel I have not given my best, but I hope you will like it anyway.
> 
> As always kudos are really appreciated, and if you want let me know what you think.

_“Thank you for loving me_

_For being my eyes when I couldn’t see_

_For parting my lips when I couldn’t breathe_

_Thank you for loving me._

_You pick me up when I fall down_

_You ring the bell before they count me out_

_If I was drowning you would part the sea_

_And risk your own life to rescue me”_

_(Thank you for loving me- Bon Jovi)_

_*_

  
  


Riza thought that making that promise was easy. Because if he wanted her to stop him, then she would stop him. Riza prefers to be the one behind the trigger, instead of having someone else do it. She promised after all.

She knew she would hate whoever ended up killing Roy, but in the end she would hate herself too. Riza’s hand doesn't tremble when she pulls out the gun to point it at the back of his head.

She doesn’t want to lose Roy to that bloodlust that has been filling his soul since Maes died. Envy pushed him to the point of non-return, taunting him with the fact that he took Gracia’s appearance to kill him and how Meas hesitated despite knowing that the creature before him wasn’t his beloved wife, but rather someone who could shape shift his appearance. And now he’s threatening Edward, telling him to give him Envy, or he would burn his arm along with him.

“Try it then,” Edward shouts “If it’s a fight you want, fine! But first, maybe you should take a good look at your face. Is that the face you plan to wear when you’re leading this country?”; he asks and when Roy doesn’t provide an answer he continues “Well is it? Is that what you want to be Colonel? Another monster?”

Riza can see how hard Edward is trying to change Roy’s mind. She cannot see his face, but she can imagine it. Roy’s features ruined by the hatred in his heart, his usual kind eyes full of venom. How Riza’s life would look like without Roy? She thinks it would look like it used to be before she knew him, when the only things she knew was the fear she had of her father’s wrath and obsession and the grief she felt for her mother’s death. But this time she would mourn Roy, and she isn’t ready. She will never be ready to live a life without him. She is weak and she knows it. 

Suddenly Scar begins to speak and who better than him can understand what it feels like to be consumed by rage? He’s the only one who can make him realize that revenge doesn’t bring happiness or closure. Only more pain, because nothing will ever bring the people you love back to life.

“What right do I have to stop someone from taking vengeance?”, he asks “But still, I shudder to think what kind of world a man held captive by his own hate would create once he becomes its ruler”.

He would never become its ruler, she thinks without saying anything. Riza would never let him rule the country with only hatred in his heart. They already had those kinds of people, and it never ended well. If he tries to harm Edward or Scar, she has no other choice. She will have to kill him.

“Colonel”, she says with a clear voice, no sign of her internal conflict “I can’t let you kill him.”

He’s ready to burn everything on sight. He looks possessed like her father used to be. Her father had the same look on his face while he was focused on his own research, the same flame she always saw in his eyes while he was carving his research on her skin.

“That being said, I have no intention of letting him live. I’ll dispose of him”.

Roy’s voice is full of anger and pain when he speaks again “But I did it! I finally ran him down!”.

  
  


_“He’s gone,” he whispers softly._

_Pain is still raw and fresh, Riza knows that it will take quite some time for him to adjust, and right now he needs her, and she would never leave Roy alone with his pain as his only company._

_Because he never left her alone with her own pain._

_“I know,'' she murmurs hugging him tightly._

_“Please,” he mumbles, “stay with me”._

_“I will”._

  
  


“I know that--”, her hand begins to tremble under the pressure of her own fears “But still… you’re about to do something reckless. This will not help, not your country or your friends. This is pure hatred, and I will not let it take you.”

Riza realizes that a gun aimed at the back of his head is a gun aimed at her own heart.

“You’re better,” she adds softly, “I know you’re better than that.”

His shoulder slumps, and she deludes herself that he’s changing his mind.

“If you’re going to shoot me, shoot me.”

His quiet voice is a slap right in her face. He’s asking her to kill him, perhaps even asking her the permission to kill Envy first in order to die in peace. But she can’t… Roy is her weakness, her soft spot.

“But then,” he continues, “after you’ve done that, Lieutenant, what will you do?”.

“I can tell you I have no intention of carrying on by myself. This fight will be my last,” she whispers, “Once this is over, I’m going to end my life, and remove my secrets of flame alchemy from this world.”

Finally, he makes his move, he snaps his fingers while screaming in pain, the flames are thundering into the empty tunnel on his right. 

“That can’t happen,” he says, “I can’t… I can’t afford to lose you.”

She feels her eyes stinging with tears.

“What kind of madness is this? Scolded by a child. Lectured by a man who has been my enemy,” suddenly he turns his head to face her “And you…”

Her eyes widen and somehow she knows that he’s himself again. His gaze no longer swallowed by hate, when he gazes at her she can understand what Roy is feeling, and hate isn’t in the picture anymore. 

“I’ve done it again,'' he murmurs, “I’ve hurt you. How foolish can one man be?”, he asks no one in particular. He walks over to her, and lays his hand on the gun and lowers it. Riza can finally breathe a sigh of relief, it’s over, and she didn’t have to kill the man she has always loved ever since she was a young girl.

“Please forgive me.”

He falls to his knees before her, and she follows him, falling to her knees, her whole body still in shock for the things that happened in a short amount of time. 

Envy then taunts them again, taunts Edward reminding him that it was Scar that killed Winry’s parents, taunts Scar with all that happened during that war, he urges them to give in and do what they truly want. When Edward finally speaks again, he acknowledges that deep the source of Envy’s jealousy are the endless possibilities that humans have, the possibility of getting up again with the help of their loved ones, the freedom of feeling without being ashamed. When Envy kills himself, by destroying his philosopher’s stone, Riza feels sorry for him. Envy was never created to feel true content, in the end he died knowing that he would never feel complete because he wasn’t meant to be complete in the first place.

“Let’s leave them alone for a minute”, Scar proposes without looking at them “They need to calm down, especially Mustang.”

“Sure,” Ed agrees, “Sure, you’re right.”

They turn around, to give them at least a bit of privacy. Riza lays her hand on Roy’s arm.

“How are you feeling?”.

“Thank you,” he whispers in a low voice.

“How are you feeling?”, she asks again.

“I’m good.”

“Are you sure?”

“Forgive me,” he says, “Please forgive me.”

Suddenly he hugs her tightly, Riza’s body getting tense at the contact, they are always really careful around the others, but Roy doesn’t seem to care.

  
“Colonel…”, she whispers with fear in her voice “They--”

“I don’t care,” Roy whispers “I need you.”

“I need you too.”

“Don’t ever say something like that again.”

“You asked me what I would do after shooting you, and I told you the truth,” she replies, “You really thought that I would walk away from _that_ with a happy smile?”

“No,” he replies, “But I hoped that perhaps you would”, his voice is a whisper, Riza guesses that he doesn't want her to her, so she pretends not to have heard him.

“We should go."

“I love you, Riza,” he whispers in her ear.

Their love for each other will always be a secret. They will never be able to express their love in front of others. Always in secret, always hiding in the safe darkness or under the cover of their blankets when one of them has a nightmare, and the only safe place is their embrace. Those moments are rare, especially now that things are turning for the worst, but they still treasure those precious and rare moments, where they can pretend to be normal people without demons and nightmares.

This is the first time he hugs her in front of someone. His embrace is warm, his arms means safety, Riza hopes that Roy feels safe in her arms too.

“I love you, too.”

She lets herself melt into him, and she hugs him tightly. Tears are rolling on her cheeks, and she thinks she will never be able to let Roy go. She feels secure, like nothing is gonna happen as long as they’re in each other's embrace. Before he moves away from her he kisses her forehead, and then he kisses her tears away. Roy holds Riza’s hand while gazing at her.

“Ready?”, he asks with a small yet sincere smile on his lips.

“Yes”.

“I don’t have any right to ask something like this but...”, his voice cracks, and he doesn’t seem able to finish his sentence.

“Even into hell if you ask me to,” she whispers in his ear.

A secret between them, now and forever.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying my best to not make mistakes (English is not my first language) but if you see some mistakes please let me know!


End file.
